Sunday, February 20, 2011
My feelings now is like, a pit hole, nothing that goes in comes out, no expression and not very keen and anything right now. how do i go by this week, two word, left out. did i do something wrong to deserve this? ya. i deserve it. so what now? wanna fail me for exam ? comeon. why does all this happens to me?
i am glad that next sem i would be cooking and after that , i will be serving but most importantly, i wanna perform well for both of this as, for my third year, i wanna go overseas for my internship. i wanna fly so faraway from here as soon as possible, this place is so ... i woulr rather travel around the world searching for recipes and creating my own recipes instead of staying here getting treatments that are so different from what others get.
What are friends for, for some people, they may say, friends are there for you to lean on, talk to and be there for you. for my, friends are just there for show, no one cares , no one ask, no one listens. When your life ends, you will be thinking , for all this year, people who stood by me no matter what are just my family.
Friends ---- when i am in need of them, no one was there only my family can see whats wrong with me. When i am sick, my family would ask how i am, my friennds just sit there quietly enjoying their life. do you know what i am think now? guess not.
why the heck do i even have friends in the first place? why? can i skip that step? and just move on my life quietly? i think i am going to be justin lau number two. or maybe i will be harsher, i will just ignore my friends. good chioce. back to the unsociable form of my . cope my self with books and games. not talking to anyone.
Life, for me is so stupid, cant it be more smooth sailing, i dont expect much, i just want a normal life living normally without any stupid problems. i hate deciding and i hate it when things dont go that way it is suppose to be. i hate it! FUCK IT! FUCK MY LIFE.
time between us, shall just be buried like that. buried with a tombstone with no name and right in my brain.
I feel like giving up. why cant my life be that simple, i didnt expect much right. i just wan to have a stable life, leading stably not in some shit things that are happening right now. left out like nobody's business, looked down like some dirt on the ground, being used for some personal reason and being kicked around. i hate it. cant i meet someone normal? i just want a normal life. please god, just give me that.
thats all. now i really wanna fly off to other country for my internship leaving this place like a nobody and coming back being someone else.
Walked with you @
1:50 AM
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Monday, February 7, 2011
7th of feburary. my birthday just ended on the 5th. everything just happen so fast . oh well 18 years old already! time to be more mature than just slacking there.
I shall start with how i spend my birthday ! =)
I woke up at around 10 ? not sure of the time cause holiday seems to pass so fast =( . i went out to eat with my family at 12 and yes i am lae as i was suppose to meet kitson at 12.30 which i eventually cant make it . SORRY! i reach YJ house at around 1 plus ? kinda cool to walk alone HAHA! kidding! oh well i went in the say GONG HEI FAI CAI! but her parents wasnt in =( so they sat down and played lots of games while i sit there and watch my initial D! HMPH! its a cool show! i can watch it 500 imes without getting bored! . after that we payed cards and then there came madeline and yuling. with their donuts as cake for my birthday =.= but still thank you! at least got the heart .
me kitson and darren stayed till 4 and we head off to Qixiang's hse ! OMG! so exciting sia his fish! so big! and so ... sick =.= but it was the last survivor among the three! haha! so we stayed there playing cards and watching TV till darren came at around 9? and we head off to go town. and that moment came. so awkward. i know it was a boring night. sorry guys. but i saw something and i didnt have that mood. sometimes its just that great to be blind and deaf. obilvion to everything that is happening around . but still we got to cherish our hearing and sight! .
So we head on to a bridge? singapore river! YAY! we drank and all. and i dont know what happen after that alr. but one thing i know is that they are such great people to bring me home. When i reach home, i opened the door and saw my mother sleeping on the sofa waiting for me. I never felt so unfillial before. such a Bu Xiao de son.
ok we can end here!
Lastly, I hope no one gets bored of me when they go out with me. I sometimes just see and hear things that are so . FISH! I need someone to talk to me now! that song by Derrick hoh is what i am feeling now. i feel so miserable. anyone understands ? no one sees this. lets just forget it and go and sleep . i am not gonna talk much this few days. thank you.
Walked with you @
10:21 PM
. . . . . . . . . . . .
