Sunday, February 20, 2011
My feelings now is like, a pit hole, nothing that goes in comes out, no expression and not very keen and anything right now. how do i go by this week, two word, left out. did i do something wrong to deserve this? ya. i deserve it. so what now? wanna fail me for exam ? comeon. why does all this happens to me?
i am glad that next sem i would be cooking and after that , i will be serving but most importantly, i wanna perform well for both of this as, for my third year, i wanna go overseas for my internship. i wanna fly so faraway from here as soon as possible, this place is so ... i woulr rather travel around the world searching for recipes and creating my own recipes instead of staying here getting treatments that are so different from what others get.
What are friends for, for some people, they may say, friends are there for you to lean on, talk to and be there for you. for my, friends are just there for show, no one cares , no one ask, no one listens. When your life ends, you will be thinking , for all this year, people who stood by me no matter what are just my family.
Friends ---- when i am in need of them, no one was there only my family can see whats wrong with me. When i am sick, my family would ask how i am, my friennds just sit there quietly enjoying their life. do you know what i am think now? guess not.
why the heck do i even have friends in the first place? why? can i skip that step? and just move on my life quietly? i think i am going to be justin lau number two. or maybe i will be harsher, i will just ignore my friends. good chioce. back to the unsociable form of my . cope my self with books and games. not talking to anyone.
Life, for me is so stupid, cant it be more smooth sailing, i dont expect much, i just want a normal life living normally without any stupid problems. i hate deciding and i hate it when things dont go that way it is suppose to be. i hate it! FUCK IT! FUCK MY LIFE.
time between us, shall just be buried like that. buried with a tombstone with no name and right in my brain.
I feel like giving up. why cant my life be that simple, i didnt expect much right. i just wan to have a stable life, leading stably not in some shit things that are happening right now. left out like nobody's business, looked down like some dirt on the ground, being used for some personal reason and being kicked around. i hate it. cant i meet someone normal? i just want a normal life. please god, just give me that.
thats all. now i really wanna fly off to other country for my internship leaving this place like a nobody and coming back being someone else.
Walked with you @
1:50 AM
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